Maybe I wouldn’t have worked this hard if you were healthy and it weren’t so bad.
We are all crooked creatures.
Because women feel their bodies fail the beauty test, American industry benefits enormously, continually nurturing feminine insecurities.
For strong black mothers raising strong black girls.
We are all rough drafts - constantly being edited and rewritten.
Post 1: Insignifigance
I am taking a sociology of women class and it is a great course to be taking. We talk about a number of things centered around women: sexism, prostitution, gender stereotypes, etc. Today our discussion was about body image culture and aging in today’s society in regards to eating disorders. We discussed how women learn beauty standards and the devastating effects that they can can have on women and girls.
I love an hate talking about the topic because I can relate to it so much - to the point that it hurts. When I think of my childhood all I remember is the self loathing and self hate I had towards myself for being overweight, and dark-skinned. When we discuss eating disorders, and body dysmorphic disorders, the memories of those times and the pain I felt come back - not as sharp but like an ache. I regress to the 13, 14, 15 year old girl that wanted to die because of the size of her thighs. And I do not say this in order to garner pity, but just to mention and for commentary.
Today in class, my professor mentioned celebrity culture and how people desire to have the life that is glorified - the fame, the fortune, and the body that is idealized in our society. I recall one instance as a girl when I was with my friends and there were many kiosks in the mall where people would advertise for young, girl, models to enter into fashion or showbiz industry. Needless to say as a chubby, rotund, frizzy haired girl I was never hailed or interviewed. I paid it no mind for I was fully aware of what I wasn’t and what I was. However one day me and a few friends walked into the theater, intent on going to see a movie when we were stopped in our tracks but one of these persons. They introduced themselves to my two friends - considerably thinner than I and in my opinion more attractive - and talked about what they were offering and asked if they would like to have head shots done and what not. These people completely ignored me. They gave me no introduction. They didn’t ask my name. They didn’t even spare one glance in my direction and in those agonizing five minutes I had never felt so insignificant in my entire existence. Being the girl that I was at 13, or 14, or 15 who was already riddled with fear and doubt and anxiety I remember whatever post I stood on collapsing under my feet. It was a moment so powerful and so painful and I can taste the sorrow. That sorrow carried on with me at the movie, and forever onward. It didn’t help that the so called “friends” I had made mention of their obvious ignoring of me and not in an innocent manner, but smugly as if I didn’t already doubt my beauty and self worth. That moment, like many others helped me to fall into a depression so thick, and so dark, that could have swallowed me whole.
I shake my head at it now. I mean I know better than to judge myself on beauty, looks, and that my value as a human being doesn’t reside in my pants size. However, I know how hurtful words,images, and ideas can be to the young forming mind and I hope people become more aware of what they say and how they act because it is those tiny, unspoken actions that can truly hurt and impact a person. Furthermore, when I hear of girls and boys who suicide or cut or take drugs to relieve their pain, I wonder how thick and dark their depression is and it makes me so sad to think that another person could hurt the way that I did because no one deserves to feel so.